Practice: writing letters to myself
Today I did a practice i’ve never done before: I wrote a letter to my future self about how happy and how good my right now is. I got this idea from my brother who told me he wanted to write a letter to his future self to remind himself what it was like to be a poor college kid for when he was rich and successful (okay, David lol). Today I am feeling so thankful and happy and content so I felt like this was a good day to write my own letter.
Something I’ve had a hard time with over the last few years is contentment. Actually, if i’m being honest i’ve had a hard time with contentment for as long as I can remember. I was ready to be in college when I was in high school, I was ready to be working as a nurse when I was in college, I’m now working and searching for what i’m supposed to be working towards next and wishing I could already be there. I’ve done this is other areas as well; I’ve wished I was in a relationship, or married with kids, or better yet old and married 50 years and retired. I’ve wished I was teaching families about basic healthcare in the middle of Papua New Guinea and making a difference or being a flight nurse in Utah saving people from the mountains. But all the wishing does is waste the now and the experiences I’m in the middle of! I know people tell younger individuals this all the time but for some reason we keep wishing away our now and for the memories of these experiences in a new season.
However, today, I feel SO content. I’m so happy with where I’m at. I’m happy with my job, i’m happy with my little apartment, I’m happy I can make a pizza for lunch and clean up my entire kitchen before the pizza is done (because its so small). I’m happy I can read books and journal and take walks outside. I’m happy I can go to the gym every morning and that I live a street away from my grandma. I’m happy that after my small group I can spontaneously go out for sangria with a girlfriend and talk about life because I’m free and single and i’m the decider of how I spend my own time. Even now, I’m sitting outside in my backyard listening to birds and watching this fat squirrel sunbathe writing down my thoughts. I wouldn’t be able to do all of these things if I had any one of the things i’ve wished for at one time or another!
I think we often downplay the good in the times were in because there are always things other people have that we won’t. Coming to the place of being okay with not having it all has been REALLY hard for me (I’m not even sure i’ll feel this way tomorrow). So, in these days, and maybe in the bad days too, I’m going to start writing letters to myself as a practice in gratitude and a way of reminding myself that this season is good because _____ and you won’t always have that.
Remember this, Michelle. Once you were young and fun and free and loving life. Find that in whatever season you’re in and find thankfulness for God’s grace through it all.